Saturday, October 29, 2011

Augh...TITS AND ASS...

I made crap tonight...actually let me re-phrase that.  I made CRRRRAAAAAAAAPPPP tonight. Its got to be because it's Halloween. If I can remember past the laryngitis I had last year I think I vaguely remember making shit then too. Or maybe I'm just projecting this year on to last.

On a side note though, if your costume is just a tutu and a see through tank top with jeggings and a hippie head-band...this does not constitute a costume...just several ideas of what could potentially be decent costumes.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Balls yeah!!!

So I have a new job, no, I don't plan on quitting the Italian Place for awhile I just wanted to get ahead of some bills. But for the foreseeable future I will only work weekends in the restaurant biz. I did find this article though that I wish corporate would consider.

The new place I work at is a psychiatric hospital. So far it has been interesting and I think I will really enjoy it once I learn what I am doing. I have come up with a couple of rules for anyone else who goes through this transtion:
      1. Just because you have to "always" smile in the restaurant industry doesn't mean that you should do so in a psychiatric hospital...odds are a patient who is waiting to be committed will call you out on it.
      2. Just because you are the super energetic type in the restaurant (as in: that's fantastic! super wonderful! I'm super-fantastic(in response to how are you)! etc) doesn't mean that you should be this enthusiastic when speaking to others at a psychiatric hospital.

I'm sure I will come up with others but for now I just have these two.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

And now it's in my dreams

So here lately all my GM does is bitch at me. I can't say she is yelling because she doesn't raise her voice but her tone is just that. If I am doing something that she doesn't like I get called out on it in front of my team members. Apparently everyone else can stand around and BS with each other but if I stop for a minute then she is all up on me about why am I not working and how guests are suffering because I'm just BS with people. I tried sit in on a alley rally Sunday morning and she jumped my case because "the alley still needs put together". So I went back into the kitchen and put the cheese graters together (took maybe five minutes) and viola the line was put together. I go back out and she was half done with the alley rally. I would try and say that maybe she has a point about me standing around too much if, you know, any of the other four managers said any of the same thing.  They, however, actually compliment me on how much work I do while I am there. I have also had a couple of team member note how she is riding my ass but will ignore others doing (or not doing) the same thing as me. Last night I had this crappy dream:

cue dream music and the wavy cut scene

I'm working behind the bar on a super busy shift.  People are stuffed in the lobby like four fat people in a booth and our bar is not the cafe setting but a steak house setting (high wooden tables on a wooden floor as opposed to a little metal round table) and is extremely busy. This is great though because I'm rocking the shit out of this bar.  cut across the restaurant...I watch as a table of six walk in, ignore the host stand and all the people in the lobby, and seat themselves. I think I relay this event to the MOD and get a shrug from them. So I go out to the table (not happy at all, mind you) and start to greet them when I get the look. Bitch 1 says to me in her nasally, whiny, hag voice "we have no menus and this table is a mess" I roll my eyes and tell her that's what happens when you seat yourself in a restaurant that doesn't follow that procedure. She tries to out bitch me only to realize that I am the top bitch in this war and plays the final "get me your manager" card. I say "gladly" and walk away only to start freaking out because I know GM will be all over me and I rolled my eyes at the guest to their face...

end dream

I wake up to see that it is now ten am and time for me to start my day.  

Thursday, September 8, 2011

New View

I've been looking for another job and it's made me stop and think about why the hell I still work in a restaurant.  Here lately when a guest gets something comped I don't see it as customer service and making sure that they want to come back. I have been seeing, "oh here's another jack ass getting a comp so that they can come in next time and get the same comp and the next time and the next time etc."  Which ends up with me just being an uber bitch and ridiculously unhappy for no reason.

So the new glasses I will look at guests through will make them all out to be people who need to be medicated...or zombies...


Friday, August 26, 2011

Umm...You are no better than I am, honey, so slow your roll

I had a job interview for a sales/teller position today.  The first interview I had with this company I completely rocked. The guy loved me and my personality (which is not a code for the girls since they were completely covered up). So this interview I show up and am told that the girl is in a meeting. I'm a little put off but the meeting is with her boss so I don't get too concerned.  About 15-20 minutes later I'm still waiting and boss and chica have gone into shootin-the-shit mode of their "meeting".  One of the workers (both of which were super nice btw) asked what time my interview was for and when I told them she interrupted the bosses for me. So I go in and chica is all sorry and I'm all no worries things come up it's cool. We chit-chat for about 30 seconds and then get to the interview.

Then it happens..."I know as a server (sneer) you don't have quotas or anything like that so how do you think you will handle it." and, "what about customer service, how will you handle that?"

Because, you know, working in a restaurant is not about customer service at all...and there may not be quotas per se but some companies do throw conniptions if you don't hit the sales goal they set....don't sneer at me because I work in the restaurant biz when you only work in a bank (and not even that high up). And mostly, don't waste my time when you already have a preconceived notion of who I am.  You weren't going to hire my so why even go through the interview?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

THAT person

So you know that person you work with who nothing ever seems to be good enough for them.  You know the garlic is too garlicky, this person walk too fast but that one walks too slow, etc. Yesterday, that person was me. I was freaking out over stuff that normally wouldn't faze me (or that I studiously ignore). I don't know what my deal was but the stop light in my head was not working so everything got verbalized last night.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Needin a break

I'm so tired of people right now.  All week it has been ringring...ringring...yes what time do you close? in 5 minutes, so if i come in right now you can still serve me?  fantastic i will be there in three

Twats.  Every single one of them.

As a result I have been finagling my way out of the FOH to work in the kitchen. Yes, I would much rather work in the heat for less pay than keep taking care of the fuck-staches that come in.

On a side note for those not in the biz, you have the luxury of getting off work at a specific time. You get off at 5, well at 4:55 if someone were trying to get you to do something you could, in fact, put it off until the next day (unless it's from your boss then...whatever) As a peon in a restaurant I don't get to tell you that we're closed, or to not come in, I have to let you come in. Even if we close at 10 and you walk in at 9:59 I have to sit your ass at a table. However, when coming in this late I will lock the doors precisely when we close and I will refuse to let any extra people in the building or let you leave and come back in. Also don't expect super fresh soup or bread and you have no right to get pissy when your salad comes out on the same tray as the entree.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

♫♪♫♪ Meltdown...fuck yeah...meltdown...fuck yeah! ♪♫♪♫

This post goes out to the lady who Flipped-the-Shiz-Out today.  Thank you ma'am for being such an asshole to the extent that ALL of us working got a laugh.  The melt down over our salad bowls not being from the freezer cold was hilarious.  We had run out but you didn't care; which lead to more laughing and snickering when you discovered that we touch the rims of the bowls with our hands (OH MY GOD!! THE HORROR).    A sincere and heartfelt thanks goes out to the table next to this one that told them to get the hell out...and imagine our surprise when flip-out lady did in fact leave. She made it to the host stand before screaming at the hosts and manager about how horrible this visit was and how she is never coming back (we can only hope).  Of course, this gave us another 15 minutes to all find a reason to go to the bar and watch all the drama.  I only wish someone had taken a video of it so we could watch it but, alas, she was lucky that no one had their phone out.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hippie Chick has struck again

So as if throwing Cherokee under the bus wasn't enough for her, Hippie Chick, has struck a-friggin-gain.  One of the new managers Shanaynay is the newest notch on HC's bitchy belt of velour (or hemp...really I don't know what hippies make their clothes from).  And this time it is strictly a vengeful/bitch move.  A mutual friend, Cher, is getting promoted to a management spot and had a going away/congrats party.  Cher was dating Shanaynay's cousin (a story for another day perhaps) and he ended up at the after party at Cher's place.  Drunk does not compare to the adjective for some of the people at the party but at some point Shanaynay was invited and showed up as that same adjective.  From what I was told by one of the few sober people there is that basically she walked in and went upstairs to pass out (so people saw her a few minutes tops) but this amount of time was all HC needed to be able to tell the GM...oh I'm sorry I mean let it slip and just not know how it got taken out of context....that Shanaynay was hanging with 15-ish employees.

And now that GM knows she has to call corporate and conduct an investigation.  HC is portraying herself as the victim in all of this (because of course she is) at the same time she is going around and telling every team member she sees that she will be the newest addition to the bar staff.  I just hope that HC remembers that Karma is a hardcore bitch.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


a collaborative ode to our guests (may eventually be set to a beat but for now...):

My name is Sammy and I work at the I.P.
I don't make any money cause yalls always stiffin me
So order the herb grilled salmon not the soup and salad please
cuz they might just take my car if yall don't start tippin me.

This is Melissa, she's my service partner
Yall should stay home and watch Judge Wopner
cuz I know your gold toothed ass aint got a job;
and that gift card you've got? It's off someone that you robbed.

Dear Mr. Redneck take off your Nascar hat,
no you can't have a booth cause your ass is way too fat.
So please go to Mcdonalds and get it supersized
'cause we don't sell sweet tea and we're all outta fries

Hey you stupid gringo, we've got a party of twenty
here's your $1.72, now bring out the chicken alfredo.
Why hello Mr. Gomez, would you like limonada?
No, I'm sorry hombre we don't sell enchiladas
maybe you should try El Chico's down the street,
but while your here could you fix my car for cheap?

that's all we have got so far we are working on the rest of the stereotypes and I'll post them when we get them.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

What have we done?!?

So I have always wanted to be the one to start some sort of panic amongst the masses so here it goes...What have we in the industry done to piss you off oh mighty restaurant gods??? We the faithful give you our blood, sweat, tears, and many layers of finger prints all for what?  You have deemed it necessary to send out the assholes and douche baggerists en masse.  Why?  Are we not faithful to nights of drinking and other debaucheries? What must we do to make this right, oh mighty lords of the faithful attendees in the biz?  Please show some mercy on us. Please allow us a glimmer of hope to get us through these dark times that will now and forever be known as the "June of perturbation"...

hmm...I don't think it will make any group of people maybe next time

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


1.  "Do you have a dress code?"
      My response: "Just don't show up in your underwear"
2. "I would like to order a salad and breadsticks.  Does any pasta dish come with that?"
     My response: "Not unless you decide to order some"
3. "Is this Chicken Parmesan?"
     My response:  "Well let's see, Fried Chicken breasts...check,  spaghetti...check, marinara sauce on all of it...check,  topped with cheese...check. By George, I think it is, yep sure looks like the menu description to me"....ok so that one was way bitchy but this server is retarded and needs to stick with her day job at the tanning salon.
4. "...well why can't I have all I want...when I come in I can get all I want, what's the difference?"
     My response: "You're ordering to-go.  If you were to go to a buffet you can eat all you want but if you did a take out they would give you one box to fill and you can only take what you can fit"
5. "the server let me/didn't charge me/or other way to get freebies last time"
   My response:  "That server was fired for insert whatever will correlate to their obnoxious request so no I can't follow their lead."

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Karma, you bitch...

Three of our managers have been suspended.  One of which I feel really bad for and I hope he doesn't become deceased from our restaurant.  The other two, Miagi and Cherokee, played a part in the termination of the former GM so really this is just comeuppance. Wednesday night the new GM saw the newest bartender and two servers "sampling" wine.  Now, I do believe that this bartender just believed that we could do this when the wines were going out of date but the other two should have know better.  All three of them got suspended which just started their vacation to Sin City a few days sooner. The new GM was livid when she caught them. Hippie Chick was one of the two servers and when her and the GM were talking about this incident she promptly threw Cherokee under the bus because she "always let's us".  Complete B.S. Have there been a couple of instances in the past where we were allowed to try a sample of wine? Yes.  Is it something that happens every night or even once a week? No.  It was a couple of rare instances that happened months ago, but that fact was conveniently left out of Hippie Chicks statement (of course). I don't know why Miagi and the other manager were suspended, especially since neither one of them will let an employee have a free bowl of soup (let alone alcohol). 

So DM had been in the restaurant collecting statements from various people.  I don't know if any of the managers will end up having a job but it sounds like most statements are in the managers' favor--not that that means anything.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

You just asked what?!

This particular guest tonight wasn't even mine but still the audacity of them pisses me off.  A girl I work with who we will just call Copenhagen had a table toward the end of the night that when it came time to sign his credit card asked if she voted for WTMFF!! seriously jackass? Does your boss cut two checks and then asks who you voted for or what faith you are apart of before he gives you one of, I bet he doesn't because guess what, that would get his ass sued or fired.  How dare you ask that and then tip her less because she responds with "well, um...that's a hard question to answer..." (she then walked away). 

I am so fricking glad I wasn't there when he asked her that because I would have willingly taken a writeup for making him look like the total douche he is.

*WTMFF = what the mother fuckin fuck

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Something for my "super-fantastic" guests

so I was in the liquor store today to make a medicinal know something to drown my sorrows and cleanse the stupidity of some people from my mind.
I saw these
I really think that this "tequila" would make some of my fantastic guests (hell it would probably work for my crappy, crabby co-workers) happier...and for the others, well at least there is something legitimate to pull out of their butts.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Damn you, MSN

really msn do you have to stoop to yahoo's level? to be fair the only part of the article that I have a real issue with is number 2 (the others didn't irritate me as much). It's not like restaurant patrons already don't understand the fact that just because a table is open doesn't necessarily mean they can be sat.  Seriously writer, have you EVER worked in a restaurant?  In fact the only redeeming part of this article are the comments which have not yet fallen to name calling between people in the biz and bastards who don't tip for dumb reasons.  The best one I have seen is from skynluvr "If I go out to eat, Im not on a bargain hunting excursion! I want GOOD food and usually a couple beers! If I have to penny pinch, I shouldnt be there in the first place!"

I don't know if you have been in the biz before or not but I do love the common sense that you show us all.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


For your enjoyment, an article about how to not be an annoying customer.  Yahoo, you have slightly redeemed yourself.

And now about the rest of this last week.  Filled in at another location because they lost all of their bartenders over the new tip share policy.  I was training one of the two people and the other one was a brand spanking new bartender two days out of training.  Easy night though.  We have had issues with trainees at our restaurant.  Evidently, us telling them that the menu test is really frickin hard and that they need to study it a little bit every night really doesn't mean anything.  We have another class this week...we'll see what happens.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

It's all in the details

Work is so frustrating right now.  I almost wish I was back in Arkansas. Almost.

In the past certain members of management let things slide.  A bunch of things.  I ended up transferring to a restaurant where people would be on their cell phones the whole shift, eating in the middle of volume shifts, swearing (I do like me some swear words but policy is policy) and many other small issues that snowballed into bigger ones.

About a month ago we had our DM come to our store because our numbers are down and...well....lets just say that our managers found out how expendable they are.  So after the visit our managers started upholding our different policies and more importantly, being consistent about it.  As they start this, our VP starts making a lot of noise about teeny, tiny things (think name badge font).

The thing is, if I were back in Ar. then these little changes that the VP wants would be no big deal because the managers I come from were very consistent.  But here, not so much and now it seems to be micromanaging at its best...or worst...And it still wouldn't be so bad but workers are getting their panties in a bunch and pissing and moaning about it.

Sadly, that was what the issue with the GM was.  All these "changes" were some how him being a dick.  And wouldn't you know it, he gets fired but lo and behold the remaining managers are still micromanaging the restaurant.

And guess what I get to hear all day long..."what?! why can't I get on my cell phone, I have a kid!"..."I'm not changing my nails until the bitter end"...."Ugh...why can't my gauges be see through"...."Corporate is being fascist"...."I don't make any money here"..."I hate this fucking place"....etc...etc.......all friggin night

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Yes, it's true

Found this article, and on page two it talks about server jedi tricks...yes we do use these....ok well, not everybody but a great many people that I work with and have worked with in the past.

♫♪ Closing time...finish your whiskey or beer... ♪♫

I sometimes wonder where these people come from.  Seriously, this city is NOT Vegas (or other 24 hour cities) we're in the MIDWEST. There are only a handful of restaurants that are open after ten/eleven (think like IHOP and one or two pizza places).  Tonight from about 9:15 until 10:27 the only phone calls I get are people who ask, "What time do you close?"   So while I get to answer these, the best ones were the two that came after we closed.

caller 1: what time do you close
me: we closed fifteen minutes ago, Sun-Thurs we close at 10, Fri and Sat we close at 11.
caller 1: ok thanks

caller 2: when do yall close?
me: we closed 27 minutes ago, Sun-blah blah blah
caller 2: stuttering blah blah thanks...
me: have a great night *click*

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word...

So evidently something happened at the meeting last Saturday.  From what I can tell the GM was speaking about a corporate policy change and flipped the bird.  And now he is deceased from our restaurant.  It makes me sad.  He was a good manager and I liked the fact that he didn't hold back what he thought. 
But, with regime changes come new topics right?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Yesterday my manager, my co-worker/friend Sheva, and I were having a conversation about the fact that Sheva is Ethiopian.  I learned a new word which I used....oh...only about 50 times today.  The conversation was sort of like this:

blahblah yackiity blah...
Me: You speak pretty good English for someone who isn't from here. When did yall move?
Manager: A, stop that.
Sheva: *laughing We moved when  I was about four.
Me: So how much of your family is in the states?
Sheva: Oh my mom, dad, sister, an aunt and uncle....lists some more
Manager: So have you gotten to visit your family over in Africa?
Sheva: Yes last year
Me: Do they live in cities or out in mud huts while Susan Struthers eats all their food?
Manager: A!
Me: What it's a legitimate question!?! And it's not like I don't know that there is at least one city that has electricity
Manager: A! You're not being P.C.
Sheva: *laughing* blah blah ...paved roads...blah blah out farther dirt roads...blah
Me: So...did you have shoes before you were four or did you get your first pair here?
Manager: A...*whispers* P.C. *turns to co-worker* Does your family speak Ethipiopian? Say something please?
Me: Ew! Oh! hey you should teach me a word *nodding enthusiastically
Manager: No don't...
Sheva: *laughing* ok...teaches me the word then says something else
Me: practicing under my breath
Manager: What did you say...wait what did you teach her?
Sheva: *says what she said but not what she taught me
Me: so it's ****
Sheva: nodding
Manager: What is that A?
Me: Dumbass... *smirk
Manager: A...
Me: What? It's not like the word is technically a bad word...I mean I could just say chingada or chinga su those are bad words. Plus I could be walking past tables and say **** and they have no clue what I'm saying and if they ask then I can totally deflect them with how I have this awesome co-worker from Ethiopia and how she's teaching it to me.  If they do happen to know what I'm really saying then *getting innocent, blank look on my face* Well, jeez, it's no wonder my friend is laughing at me if that is what I'm saying.
 Manager: A...*at this point she just shakes her head*...just...P.C....
Me: Boss, I have to get this non-P.C. stuff out before I become a manager...or at least be able to contain it....or own my own restaurant, then I could say whatever...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Where is my training pay?

I understand that there is a certain amount of knowledge that I'm supposed to have. When my guests ask me about different menu items I should know what the answer is; if, on the off chance I don't know the answer, then I always find it for them. I also understand that by working in the restaurant that I do that some people think that makes me an expert of some sort on all things Italian (olive oil, the difference between olives, the Sopranos, etc. etc.). This stuff I fake pretty well (knowing a lot of useless trivia is very beneficial).

What I don't feel I should have to teach people is the fact that you shouldn't believe everything you see on the internet. Or on the TV.  Or in the newspaper.

I got to explain to a guest how just because a site may be legitimate doesn't mean all of the information on it is legit (CNN has had this experience).  Or how about even if a television show does a segment on a site does not mean the site or what is offered on the site is legit.  I mean how often do you see retractions printed in media?  How often do either anchors apologize about mistakes or other broadcasts pick up the fact that there were mistakes and poke fun at them?

So I go through this spiel about how if our restaurant did have an offer on said site then it is a scam and how our restaurant offers several coupons and what-not through facebook and at the end of the conversation she says, "it's not that I don't believe what your saying but can I get the number to your XY location because that's where I would actually end up going."  No lady, it's ok. You told me at the beginning of the call that you didn't know much about computers and all that "stuff".  Just so you know though, there is this lawyer in Zimbahujitsu that need's help.  See, his client has died and has no relatives but left a great deal of money......

*I just looked up the site the guest asked me about and the only reference that I can find about my restaurant is under the ad section.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

An interesting article...

I like both of these articles. Both articles are definitely worth the read. One is about being nice to your server (and has a poll at the end) the other is about server smarts.

Out the door?

So there are some major changes happening at work today.  Luckily, I don't work today so I don't have to listen to all the bitching that I'm sure is going on. I didn't have to go to the meeting this morning since I had a one-on-one with the manager yesterday so I got to miss all the outrage that probably went on.  It does make me wonder many people are going to quit?  I so can't wait to find out.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Yeah like I'm really gonna read that...

So me first...I didn't get a good look at my schedule this week because if I had I would have known today was my day off and not shown up to work.  Not that this is a big deal since I live within a mile of work and I needed to talk to my GM anyway.

Now on to last night...

It was bad.  We have had worse but it was not an easy night for anyone.  Big thing that sucked balls was we kept running out of bread. We give unlimited bread sticks to our guests so running out always sucks; especially when the person doing bread isn't doing it right.  Now really there is no way to make bread wrong...but really when we're out of bread and you make one pan and bring it out you know we have been out of bread for at least three minutes because servers have kept yelling for "mas pan" you should have started the second pan of bread before you even brought out the other this what our guy did last night? No, he would bring out one pan after having been out and then get upset because it was gone within a minute and would tell us it was our fault that we needed bread.  Also I realize that the kitchen staff wants to get out of work as soon as possible, our kitchen staff generally walks out of work with 10-20 minutes of locking the doors so they start cleaning about an hour or two prior to close. Ok, that's all well and good but don't forget that we don't close for another hour, we still have guests walking in that want their soup and salad. If you don't want to make salads for us fine but you really need to have bins of it so that the servers don't have to make the salad bin (which truly isn't all that hard but suck if you also have other stuff to do) and make (although the manager finally grudgingly said to at least call for it) bread, oh and don't forget that servers also have to greet tables, get drinks, run hot food, run refill whatever's, try to sell deserts and wine and alcohol and appetizers and and and...I figure we were all hoping for an easy night since we hadn't had one since last Tuesday (the week before V-day) and it would have been....maybe....ok it had potential to have been an easy one until it went to shit.

Guest Wise it wasn't too bad...they mostly understood what was going on (at least my to go guests did)  I had some guests that called at 5 and asked if we had lasagna (in my head "no we're just an italian restaurant but we don't serve lasagna just other tacos, and eggrolls...") I told them of course and that our lasagna is they decide to place an order and then asked, "do you have buffalo wings?"--now our phone system doesn't matter which phone I use but  it can be static-y and difficult to understand so while she asked for buffalo wings I heard garble the first time and "special an low dings" the second and third. I repeated what I heard the third time and she chuckled and finally enunciated "buffalo wings" ...(in my head "of course we do! we're an italian restaurant that serves buffalo wings just like pizza places* do!") instead I say "no" she is finally done ordering and I repeat everything back to make sure we are on the same page so far and tell her the order will be done in ten minutes. Three hours later she hasn't picked up her order so I put it in with our food that we donate and then she calls asking if it was ready. close my eyes, deep breath, tell her it was ready within ten minutes of her placing the order and she acts surprised...really?! I don't call you when your order is ready that's why I give you an estimated time range to show up in...she tells me she's on her way so I get the food re-made and bag it all up again and she still doesn't show up for an hour...I hope you enjoyed the hot salad, cold lasagna, mussels and the chewy bread sticks...
Another guest called to ask if we had a certain soup, I explain that we had to take it off the menu because we are testing a new potato and mushroom soup but we would be bringing the other one back in a month.  She gets all uppity and asks is it just our location or all of them, I say all of the ones in our region and she snottily replies "well I guess I'll be back in a month!" so as I am a really, very, incredibly nice person I reply "Well, you have an excellent month then. We'll definitely enjoy talking to you again!"...yeah not a great come back as far as come backs go but if you do the tone just right then you know it will piss the person off without them being able to say you were being rude (like smiling and waving at the person driving by who is flipping you off...nothing better)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Another V-Day survived

Another busy holiday that I survived.  It actually wasn't all that bad, there were four of us which was great since we were super busy.  Had a few guests worth mentioning:

Guest calls in the middle of the rush twice. What did she want? To know in our professional opinion what type of olive oil is best. I spent probably 10 minutes with this lady telling her to read the back of the oil package and to stay away from trans-fats...gotta love old people

Lady calls at the beginning of our rush for the wait time for a party of 11.  When I tell her it's going to be an hour and that we don't take call ahead's or reservations she pop's out this gem, "so we would have to wait in line?" yes lady that is exactly what I mean.

Our take out orders were taking about 30 to 45 minutes and a lady calls in, when I tell her how long it is going to take her angry retort is, "what? you're kidding, it's just an order for soup!" Well ma'am I only have twenty orders being made plus another fifteen that will be going through to the kitchen shortly, but yes I will throw all those aside so you can have your soup....Good luck getting through the door to pick up your order though.

A lady calls and asks about...actually I can't remember if it was for take out or for the dine in wait...I tell her how long it is and she bursts out with, "ugh, why is it so busy it's just Monday!" and I tell her "well it's Valentines Day" her response? "I know that"...oh I'm sorry that was shouldn't ask those type of questions over the phone because I can get away with smart ass answers as long as I keep my tone pleasant and ever-so-helpful

and the Best Guest Award goes to this lady: "Hi, I was wondering how long your wait was?"...I tell her an hour..."Fabulous! And you guys do have wine right?" yes, we have a lot of wine..."Fabulous, thank you so much!"

thank you for the picture

Monday, February 14, 2011

Change it up...

I'm thinking about going to school...again...I've been in a community college where I took easy course loads because I didn't know what I wanted to do...I still don't actually.  Then I signed up for a technical school and got all the way to my last term before I dropped out, mostly because I was behind in my payments to them and couldn't catch up (and by I, I actually mean that I was lucky enough that my dad was paying for it (but his work is only seasonal)) and honestly I don't know if it is the right school for me any more. I have started paying the school myself now and my dad says he will help when his work starts back up but I don't know that I want to go back.
I looked at Devry....they have one that looks fun and I would probably be able to apply some of what I learned (it's environmental computer systems for business)...I went to the other technical place for computer systems...I also looked at the community college in town and I want to take some language courses...I would like to sharpen my spanish and also learn italian, arabic, and american sign language...

Sunday, January 30, 2011


So it's not that I am necessarily opposed to organized religion and the people that follow it.  I mean if it makes you happy to go to a service every weekend, then fine go...especially if you feel that this makes you a better person.  However, if you think that those "saving your soul" pamphlets are to be considered a tip then your a rude, pompous  cocktard. If you leave these and a tip then I might actually read it, but by leaving these as the tip you are ensuring that I never come to your place of faith and that I talk about how the one person I met from there is in fact a rude, pompous cocktard.

I have decided upon a plan of action for this though.  Anytime that I get these pamphlets I will go to a random church and put them in the collection plate as my offerings.  I'm still considering whether or not I should staple a note of 'apology' about how since some people feel that these pamphlets constitute a tip that this is all I can give that week....or maybe I'm just concerned with saving the higher power's soul....

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Who do you think your calling?

Since I have moved I am not a full time bartender...Which is great! I like my schedule to be mostly the same day in and day out but I prefer to be doing a different job each day.  I was a server at my new restaurant but then they needed someone who could work to-go's so I volunteered to switch over.  For the most part I like doing to-go's but it seems here lately that not being face to face with someone gives them free reign to wallow in stupidity.

Caller Yes I woul' like to place an order and then come in an' get it
Me Sure, what would you like this evening?
Caller Weeelllll....firs' I have some questions... Do yall serve any chicken and pasta dishes?...please note that I work in an Italian Food restaurant
Me Yes we have several chicken and pasta dishes
Caller Could you name them? (said slightly impatiently)
Me Sure we have _______, ________, _______, (and I go through several of our dishes)
Caller Well what about shrimps and pasta?
Me (thinking to we only serve tacos and hamburgers not that my restaurant is even a well known corporate italian place) Yes we have ______, _____, _____, and again I name several of our dishes knowing full well that she won't even remember half of them
Caller about spaghetti do yall just serve plain ol' spaghetti?
Me Sure do you want just sauce, or would you like meatballs, sausage, or a mix of the two?

and *facepalm...really? Really? you called an italian place, why waste my time asking what type of pasta dishes we have?  just order something, if we don't have it I will let you know and I will even steer you towards something that may be similar to what you're wanting...
other call...
it is two minutes till close...
Caller I wanna place a togo order...
Me I'm sorry but we close at ten and I can't take a to go order over the phone thirty minutes prior to closing, however, if you can get here in the next two minutes I would gladly help you at our bar top.
Caller Really? Dang, no I'm ten minutes I'm hungry, I don't know what I'm gonna eat....dang I just don't know what I'm a do...
Me Well you have a great night ma'am hope you enjoy whatever it is you decide to eat and please don't hesitate to try us again

because you know...McDonald's, Wendy's, or Taco Bell don't all stay open late....I'm just saying...and no I'm not going to offer to stay open just for you...

and then about twenty minutes later someone called trying to place an order...oh what joy I got from saying..."I'm sorry we're closed"