Dumbness

1.  "Do you have a dress code?"
      My response: "Just don't show up in your underwear"
2. "I would like to order a salad and breadsticks.  Does any pasta dish come with that?"
     My response: "Not unless you decide to order some"
3. "Is this Chicken Parmesan?"
     My response:  "Well let's see, Fried Chicken breasts...check,  spaghetti...check, marinara sauce on all of it...check,  topped with cheese...check. By George, I think it is, yep sure looks like the menu description to me"....ok so that one was way bitchy but this server is retarded and needs to stick with her day job at the tanning salon.
4. "...well why can't I have all I want...when I come in I can get all I want, what's the difference?"
     My response: "You're ordering to-go.  If you were to go to a buffet you can eat all you want but if you did a take out they would give you one box to fill and you can only take what you can fit"
5. "the server let me/didn't charge me/or other way to get freebies last time"
   My response:  "That server was fired for insert whatever will correlate to their obnoxious request so no I can't follow their lead."

Damn you, MSN

really msn do you have to stoop to yahoo's level? to be fair the only part of the article that I have a real issue with is number 2 (the others didn't irritate me as much). It's not like restaurant patrons already don't understand the fact that just because a table is open doesn't necessarily mean they can be sat.  Seriously writer, have you EVER worked in a restaurant?  In fact the only redeeming part of this article are the comments which have not yet fallen to name calling between people in the biz and bastards who don't tip for dumb reasons.  The best one I have seen is from skynluvr "If I go out to eat, Im not on a bargain hunting excursion! I want GOOD food and usually a couple beers! If I have to penny pinch, I shouldnt be there in the first place!"

I don't know if you have been in the biz before or not but I do love the common sense that you show us all.

Where is my training pay?

I understand that there is a certain amount of knowledge that I'm supposed to have. When my guests ask me about different menu items I should know what the answer is; if, on the off chance I don't know the answer, then I always find it for them. I also understand that by working in the restaurant that I do that some people think that makes me an expert of some sort on all things Italian (olive oil, the difference between olives, the Sopranos, etc. etc.). This stuff I fake pretty well (knowing a lot of useless trivia is very beneficial).

What I don't feel I should have to teach people is the fact that you shouldn't believe everything you see on the internet. Or on the TV.  Or in the newspaper.

I got to explain to a guest how just because a site may be legitimate doesn't mean all of the information on it is legit (CNN has had this experience).  Or how about even if a television show does a segment on a site does not mean the site or what is offered on the site is legit.  I mean how often do you see retractions printed in media?  How often do either anchors apologize about mistakes or other broadcasts pick up the fact that there were mistakes and poke fun at them?

So I go through this spiel about how if our restaurant did have an offer on said site then it is a scam and how our restaurant offers several coupons and what-not through facebook and ourrestaurant.com...and at the end of the conversation she says, "it's not that I don't believe what your saying but can I get the number to your XY location because that's where I would actually end up going."  No lady, it's ok. You told me at the beginning of the call that you didn't know much about computers and all that "stuff".  Just so you know though, there is this lawyer in Zimbahujitsu that need's help.  See, his client has died and has no relatives but left a great deal of money......

*I just looked up the site the guest asked me about and the only reference that I can find about my restaurant is under the ad section.

Yeah like I'm really gonna read that...

So me first...I didn't get a good look at my schedule this week because if I had I would have known today was my day off and not shown up to work.  Not that this is a big deal since I live within a mile of work and I needed to talk to my GM anyway.

Now on to last night...

It was bad.  We have had worse but it was not an easy night for anyone.  Big thing that sucked balls was we kept running out of bread. We give unlimited bread sticks to our guests so running out always sucks; especially when the person doing bread isn't doing it right.  Now really there is no way to make bread wrong...but really when we're out of bread and you make one pan and bring it out you know we have been out of bread for at least three minutes because servers have kept yelling for "mas pan" you should have started the second pan of bread before you even brought out the other stuff.....is this what our guy did last night? No, he would bring out one pan after having been out and then get upset because it was gone within a minute and would tell us it was our fault that we needed bread.  Also I realize that the kitchen staff wants to get out of work as soon as possible, our kitchen staff generally walks out of work with 10-20 minutes of locking the doors so they start cleaning about an hour or two prior to close. Ok, that's all well and good but don't forget that we don't close for another hour, we still have guests walking in that want their soup and salad. If you don't want to make salads for us fine but you really need to have bins of it so that the servers don't have to make the salad bin (which truly isn't all that hard but suck if you also have other stuff to do) and make (although the manager finally grudgingly said to at least call for it) bread, oh and don't forget that servers also have to greet tables, get drinks, run hot food, run refill whatever's, try to sell deserts and wine and alcohol and appetizers and and and...I figure we were all hoping for an easy night since we hadn't had one since last Tuesday (the week before V-day) and it would have been....maybe....ok it had potential to have been an easy one until it went to shit.

Guest Wise it wasn't too bad...they mostly understood what was going on (at least my to go guests did)  I had some guests that called at 5 and asked if we had lasagna (in my head "no we're just an italian restaurant but we don't serve lasagna just other stuff...like tacos, and eggrolls...") I told them of course and that our lasagna is scrumdidliumptious...so they decide to place an order and then asked, "do you have buffalo wings?"--now our phone system sucks...it doesn't matter which phone I use but  it can be static-y and difficult to understand so while she asked for buffalo wings I heard garble the first time and "special an low dings" the second and third. I repeated what I heard the third time and she chuckled and finally enunciated "buffalo wings" ...(in my head "of course we do! we're an italian restaurant that serves buffalo wings just like pizza places* do!") instead I say "no" she is finally done ordering and I repeat everything back to make sure we are on the same page so far and tell her the order will be done in ten minutes. Three hours later she hasn't picked up her order so I put it in with our food that we donate and then she calls asking if it was ready. close my eyes, deep breath, tell her it was ready within ten minutes of her placing the order and she acts surprised...really?! I don't call you when your order is ready that's why I give you an estimated time range to show up in...she tells me she's on her way so I get the food re-made and bag it all up again and she still doesn't show up for an hour...I hope you enjoyed the hot salad, cold lasagna, mussels and the chewy bread sticks...
Another guest called to ask if we had a certain soup, I explain that we had to take it off the menu because we are testing a new potato and mushroom soup but we would be bringing the other one back in a month.  She gets all uppity and asks is it just our location or all of them, I say all of the ones in our region and she snottily replies "well I guess I'll be back in a month!" so as I am a really, very, incredibly nice person I reply "Well, you have an excellent month then. We'll definitely enjoy talking to you again!"...yeah not a great come back as far as come backs go but if you do the tone just right then you know it will piss the person off without them being able to say you were being rude (like smiling and waving at the person driving by who is flipping you off...nothing better)

Who do you think your calling?

Since I have moved I am not a full time bartender...Which is great! I like my schedule to be mostly the same day in and day out but I prefer to be doing a different job each day.  I was a server at my new restaurant but then they needed someone who could work to-go's so I volunteered to switch over.  For the most part I like doing to-go's but it seems here lately that not being face to face with someone gives them free reign to wallow in stupidity.

Caller Yes I woul' like to place an order and then come in an' get it

Me Sure, what would you like this evening?

Caller Weeelllll....firs' I have some questions... Do yall serve any chicken and pasta dishes?...please note that I work in an Italian Food restaurant

Me Yes we have several chicken and pasta dishes

Caller Could you name them? (said slightly impatiently)

Me Sure we have _______, ________, _______, (and I go through several of our dishes)

Caller Well what about shrimps and pasta?

Me (thinking to myself...no we only serve tacos and hamburgers not that my restaurant is even a well known corporate italian place) Yes we have ______, _____, _____, and again I name several of our dishes knowing full well that she won't even remember half of them

Caller Well...hm.....what about spaghetti do yall just serve plain ol' spaghetti?

Me Sure do you want just sauce, or would you like meatballs, sausage, or a mix of the two?

and *facepalm...really? Really? you called an italian place, why waste my time asking what type of pasta dishes we have?  just order something, if we don't have it I will let you know and I will even steer you towards something that may be similar to what you're wanting...

other call...

it is two minutes till close...

Caller I wanna place a togo order...

Me I'm sorry but we close at ten and I can't take a to go order over the phone thirty minutes prior to closing, however, if you can get here in the next two minutes I would gladly help you at our bar top.

Caller Really? Dang, no I'm ten minutes away...man I'm hungry, I don't know what I'm gonna eat....dang I just don't know what I'm a do...

Me Well you have a great night ma'am hope you enjoy whatever it is you decide to eat and please don't hesitate to try us again

because you know...McDonald's, Wendy's, or Taco Bell don't all stay open late....I'm just saying...and no I'm not going to offer to stay open just for you...

and then about twenty minutes later someone called trying to place an order...oh what joy I got from saying..."I'm sorry we're closed"

What did I just say?

I absolutely hate when people call and ask a question but don't listen to the answer. 

Caller: "Do you take reservations?"
Me: "No, we are first come first serve."
Caller: "What about call ahead seating?"
Me: "No, that would technically be a reservation and we are only first come first serve."
Caller: " Not even for a large group of people??"
Me: "No, not even for large parties. We are first come first serve for all guests."

Don't keep questioning me hoping that I will change my mind.  I won't.  All the repeat questions do is irritate me and make me go into snooty server mode.

Woot! Woot!!

Busy night tonight :-) Great thing didn't happen until the end of the night. Normally about five minutes till close we have Dog Guy come in. He's nice-well as nice as someone can be who comes in that late-but he buys his meal then gets two steaks and six chicken breasts for his dog. I know kinda crazy but dog evidently saved Guy's life from a mugger so I can understand. He comes in his check comes to about $80 or so normally and he tips anywhere from $30-$40. He also stays about an hour but for that I will definitely stay :-)  

And call it karma but Killjoy got stiffed *evil grin*.  She gets these people that smell horribly. One of them is Look-like-a-man. She evidently had cancer and the chemo made her gain a lot of weight and hair growth. She also uses this as an excuse to not have good hygiene...I have no clue what her husbands excuse is. Now I could have been really mean and not told Killjoy that she most likely wouldn't get a tip but then...Well anyway, I tell her and I tell her how their tip scale is. $2 on anything is their version of you-fuckin-rock and then unfortunately they request you as their server from then on. Whatever change would round the bill up to the next whole dollar (so if it's --.45 and they leave .55) means your a great server but they won't request you or anything and then most the time they just don't tip. It's not because they are poor; they are just that kind of people. Anyways so I tell her and she goes and takes care of them on the gamble that she'll get the tip (I neglected to say the requesting part)  but at then end when she gets their $100 tab she sees no tip...darn sorry Killjoy maybe you won't be such a miserable fun sucker at work tomorrow...I could only hope anyways

Ugh...

I really hate stupid hosts, now I'm not saying that all hosts are dumb but one of our hosts that worked tonight failed the serving tests twice (training is five days long and there is a test basically each day) and then went on to fail the host tests (the floorchart test is the same one she took both weeks of her server training, then as a host she took it six different times). Our training is not that difficult, it doesn't change really because the same few people train and there is a book that tells us exactly what to go over. This is all beside the point though because I didn't have an issue with her tonight, my issue was with the lady doing lead....
I'll just call her Oi, since that seems to be her catch phrase....anyway, I was working in our bar area which consists of the bar top and seven booths...my service partner and I each take three tables and rotate the fourth out or have the bartenders pick it up (because in my restaurant no one is allowed to have more than three working tables at once) recently our corporate bosses decided to change the way the bar works. It's now open seating where before it was in the host rotation. Ok the key wording here is OPEN SEATING. Oi decides that since tonight is big party night that my service partner and I will be taking a ten top at the last two tables since they can be pushed together...Ok no big deal, that is until she has the one open table capped so noone can sit there (I have guests getting ready to leave at the other one) and tells guests that only the bartop is currently open seating...this puts my service partner with three tables and me with two. She now wants me to wait at least another 20 minutes before my partner drops a check (because every seven people we have to add a server (and my partner had just gotten all three tables)) before I get a table....this doesn't fly---not on my server wage....I go up to the host stand and tell them to figure something out because I'm not waiting 20 minutes and running two tables only...she shrugs and ignores me and the other host that was there asks about letting a bartender take it with me...I tell them I don't care who my partner is but I'm not waiting for a table....after I leave the host stand my service partner is getting change from the togo person (the togo area is the host are also) and they both see Oi tell four different tables that they can't sit in the booths...according to Oi only the bartop--not the booths that consist of the bar--is open seating. Service partner has now dropped a check and can take the table with me, togo girl tells me what was said, and the table is now set up. I went to the manager and told him what was going on, service partner comes up and confirms and also lets him know he dropped a check and can take it; I walk back up to the host stand the table is completely ready and ask if I need to go ahead and show them to the table or if another host is going to walk them back---she starts trying to tell me who my service partner is ( this has already been discussed and decided and all parties informed on whats going on). I lost my temper at this point--not that I had been calm before but I had been collected and logical...but I interrupted her which I rarely do and I think it startled her, I told her that all of that had been discussed and wasn't my concern anymore...my concern was getting this table sat...."oh it's ready? set up and everything?"....Christ! yes it is all I need is the last five menus and the party...she tries to send over a host to make sure I'm not lying (from the host stand you can see the table)...so I walk halfway across the bar again, check the table again, tell her again to page the party and grab five menus...she finally does page them, I go and check my other table since at this point I'm down to one, I get them their refills and look back at the ten and holy! fuckin! christ! they just squeezed 13 people to a table that really is perfect for 8 but can squeeze ten....poor Test Failure...she actually thought about this and looked at me and asked if they would be comfortable (if my mind hadn't been gearing up for the guests I probably would have been shocked that she actually had a logical thought) I told her it was ultimately the guests decision and if we had somewhere else to sit them to let me know.  The guests for their part seemed perfectly happy with there table (no condescending comments or looks)...service partner and I greet the table and as we are getting the drinks for everybody Oi strikes again....because at this point she is now offering the bar (booths included) again...we grab the manager and ask him since the bar seems to be open seating again (which he then stops us and says it never wasn't and Oi was wrong (extremely satisfied evil type chuckle)) we both give him this bland stare and ask if he will at least go get the drink order for the people who just sat down (a few sarcastic comments about if he know how to do a wine presentation (where I tell him to offer a certain one because it's like silk in the mouth and service partner tells him to offer a certain beer because of its nice creamy head)) and he goes off to greet the table.  We drop off the drinks and at this point we split up; service partner takes care of the two tables that have sat down and I start taking care of the party (totally not standards btw). Every time I walk past the host stand to go to the kitchen Oi asks if she can offer the bar some more and every time I have a valid reason of why she can't ( I do so love when I'm right about something and management backs me up).
At this point I'm going to clarify again that I didn't care about getting the party--I was there to make money not just jack around--but the circumstances around getting the table sat pissed me off...Bitching about the host stand is one thing but when it starts getting personal I try to back up the hosts and tell people to lay off--we don't know why decisions are made the way they are unless we're up there with them and most the time that's not the case--but as a host you are paid hourly, don't fuck with my money...if I have an issue with something that you're doing I will be as professional as possible when I address you, if for some reason I can't speak without being a raging bitch then I will go to a manager; that's what their salary is for.
And in the end the table and my passive-aggressive-you-can't-because worked into my favor the party left basically what the gratuity was so me and service partner were able to split a sweet tip.


oh and the table I had before the party sat down....fuck you guys.....24 cent tip....I might take it personally but every other tip was at least 20% so evidently you are just fucking teenagers; thanks though I will definitely remember you next time you come in and stop by your table a few times with the smirk that will make you look at your food and wonder....I wouldn't ever mess with someones food (that's just horrible and beneath most people) but I do find a certain joy when you realize that I remember you and your shitty tip and you suddenly remember all those stories...