Needin a break

I'm so tired of people right now.  All week it has been ringring...ringring...yes what time do you close? in 5 minutes, so if i come in right now you can still serve me?  fantastic i will be there in three minutes...click...

Twats.  Every single one of them.

As a result I have been finagling my way out of the FOH to work in the kitchen. Yes, I would much rather work in the heat for less pay than keep taking care of the fuck-staches that come in.

On a side note for those not in the biz, you have the luxury of getting off work at a specific time. You get off at 5, well at 4:55 if someone were trying to get you to do something you could, in fact, put it off until the next day (unless it's from your boss then...whatever) As a peon in a restaurant I don't get to tell you that we're closed, or to not come in, I have to let you come in. Even if we close at 10 and you walk in at 9:59 I have to sit your ass at a table. However, when coming in this late I will lock the doors precisely when we close and I will refuse to let any extra people in the building or let you leave and come back in. Also don't expect super fresh soup or bread and you have no right to get pissy when your salad comes out on the same tray as the entree.

♫♪♫♪ Meltdown...fuck yeah...meltdown...fuck yeah! ♪♫♪♫

This post goes out to the lady who Flipped-the-Shiz-Out today.  Thank you ma'am for being such an asshole to the extent that ALL of us working got a laugh.  The melt down over our salad bowls not being from the freezer cold was hilarious.  We had run out but you didn't care; which lead to more laughing and snickering when you discovered that we touch the rims of the bowls with our hands (OH MY GOD!! THE HORROR).    A sincere and heartfelt thanks goes out to the table next to this one that told them to get the hell out...and imagine our surprise when flip-out lady did in fact leave. She made it to the host stand before screaming at the hosts and manager about how horrible this visit was and how she is never coming back (we can only hope).  Of course, this gave us another 15 minutes to all find a reason to go to the bar and watch all the drama.  I only wish someone had taken a video of it so we could watch it but, alas, she was lucky that no one had their phone out.

Hippie Chick has struck again

So as if throwing Cherokee under the bus wasn't enough for her, Hippie Chick, has struck a-friggin-gain.  One of the new managers Shanaynay is the newest notch on HC's bitchy belt of velour (or hemp...really I don't know what hippies make their clothes from).  And this time it is strictly a vengeful/bitch move.  A mutual friend, Cher, is getting promoted to a management spot and had a going away/congrats party.  Cher was dating Shanaynay's cousin (a story for another day perhaps) and he ended up at the after party at Cher's place.  Drunk does not compare to the adjective for some of the people at the party but at some point Shanaynay was invited and showed up as that same adjective.  From what I was told by one of the few sober people there is that basically she walked in and went upstairs to pass out (so people saw her a few minutes tops) but this amount of time was all HC needed to be able to tell the GM...oh I'm sorry I mean let it slip and just not know how it got taken out of context....that Shanaynay was hanging with 15-ish employees.

And now that GM knows she has to call corporate and conduct an investigation.  HC is portraying herself as the victim in all of this (because of course she is) at the same time she is going around and telling every team member she sees that she will be the newest addition to the bar staff.  I just hope that HC remembers that Karma is a hardcore bitch.

funtime...

a collaborative ode to our guests (may eventually be set to a beat but for now...):

My name is Sammy and I work at the I.P.
I don't make any money cause yalls always stiffin me
So order the herb grilled salmon not the soup and salad please
cuz they might just take my car if yall don't start tippin me.

This is Melissa, she's my service partner
Yall should stay home and watch Judge Wopner
cuz I know your gold toothed ass aint got a job;
and that gift card you've got? It's off someone that you robbed.

Dear Mr. Redneck take off your Nascar hat,
no you can't have a booth cause your ass is way too fat.
So please go to Mcdonalds and get it supersized
'cause we don't sell sweet tea and we're all outta fries

Hey you stupid gringo, we've got a party of twenty
here's your $1.72, now bring out the chicken alfredo.
Why hello Mr. Gomez, would you like limonada?
No, I'm sorry hombre we don't sell enchiladas
maybe you should try El Chico's down the street,
but while your here could you fix my car for cheap?


that's all we have got so far we are working on the rest of the stereotypes and I'll post them when we get them.

What have we done?!?

So I have always wanted to be the one to start some sort of panic amongst the masses so here it goes...What have we in the industry done to piss you off oh mighty restaurant gods??? We the faithful give you our blood, sweat, tears, and many layers of finger prints all for what?  You have deemed it necessary to send out the assholes and douche baggerists en masse.  Why?  Are we not faithful to nights of drinking and other debaucheries? What must we do to make this right, oh mighty lords of the faithful attendees in the biz?  Please show some mercy on us. Please allow us a glimmer of hope to get us through these dark times that will now and forever be known as the "June of perturbation"...

hmm...I don't think it will make any group of people panic......eh maybe next time

Dumbness

1.  "Do you have a dress code?"
      My response: "Just don't show up in your underwear"
2. "I would like to order a salad and breadsticks.  Does any pasta dish come with that?"
     My response: "Not unless you decide to order some"
3. "Is this Chicken Parmesan?"
     My response:  "Well let's see, Fried Chicken breasts...check,  spaghetti...check, marinara sauce on all of it...check,  topped with cheese...check. By George, I think it is, yep sure looks like the menu description to me"....ok so that one was way bitchy but this server is retarded and needs to stick with her day job at the tanning salon.
4. "...well why can't I have all I want...when I come in I can get all I want, what's the difference?"
     My response: "You're ordering to-go.  If you were to go to a buffet you can eat all you want but if you did a take out they would give you one box to fill and you can only take what you can fit"
5. "the server let me/didn't charge me/or other way to get freebies last time"
   My response:  "That server was fired for insert whatever will correlate to their obnoxious request so no I can't follow their lead."

Karma, you bitch...

Three of our managers have been suspended.  One of which I feel really bad for and I hope he doesn't become deceased from our restaurant.  The other two, Miagi and Cherokee, played a part in the termination of the former GM so really this is just comeuppance. Wednesday night the new GM saw the newest bartender and two servers "sampling" wine.  Now, I do believe that this bartender just believed that we could do this when the wines were going out of date but the other two should have know better.  All three of them got suspended which just started their vacation to Sin City a few days sooner. The new GM was livid when she caught them. Hippie Chick was one of the two servers and when her and the GM were talking about this incident she promptly threw Cherokee under the bus because she "always let's us".  Complete B.S. Have there been a couple of instances in the past where we were allowed to try a sample of wine? Yes.  Is it something that happens every night or even once a week? No.  It was a couple of rare instances that happened months ago, but that fact was conveniently left out of Hippie Chicks statement (of course). I don't know why Miagi and the other manager were suspended, especially since neither one of them will let an employee have a free bowl of soup (let alone alcohol). 

So DM had been in the restaurant collecting statements from various people.  I don't know if any of the managers will end up having a job but it sounds like most statements are in the managers' favor--not that that means anything.