Wednesday, June 29, 2011


a collaborative ode to our guests (may eventually be set to a beat but for now...):

My name is Sammy and I work at the I.P.
I don't make any money cause yalls always stiffin me
So order the herb grilled salmon not the soup and salad please
cuz they might just take my car if yall don't start tippin me.

This is Melissa, she's my service partner
Yall should stay home and watch Judge Wopner
cuz I know your gold toothed ass aint got a job;
and that gift card you've got? It's off someone that you robbed.

Dear Mr. Redneck take off your Nascar hat,
no you can't have a booth cause your ass is way too fat.
So please go to Mcdonalds and get it supersized
'cause we don't sell sweet tea and we're all outta fries

Hey you stupid gringo, we've got a party of twenty
here's your $1.72, now bring out the chicken alfredo.
Why hello Mr. Gomez, would you like limonada?
No, I'm sorry hombre we don't sell enchiladas
maybe you should try El Chico's down the street,
but while your here could you fix my car for cheap?

that's all we have got so far we are working on the rest of the stereotypes and I'll post them when we get them.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

What have we done?!?

So I have always wanted to be the one to start some sort of panic amongst the masses so here it goes...What have we in the industry done to piss you off oh mighty restaurant gods??? We the faithful give you our blood, sweat, tears, and many layers of finger prints all for what?  You have deemed it necessary to send out the assholes and douche baggerists en masse.  Why?  Are we not faithful to nights of drinking and other debaucheries? What must we do to make this right, oh mighty lords of the faithful attendees in the biz?  Please show some mercy on us. Please allow us a glimmer of hope to get us through these dark times that will now and forever be known as the "June of perturbation"...

hmm...I don't think it will make any group of people maybe next time

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


1.  "Do you have a dress code?"
      My response: "Just don't show up in your underwear"
2. "I would like to order a salad and breadsticks.  Does any pasta dish come with that?"
     My response: "Not unless you decide to order some"
3. "Is this Chicken Parmesan?"
     My response:  "Well let's see, Fried Chicken breasts...check,  spaghetti...check, marinara sauce on all of it...check,  topped with cheese...check. By George, I think it is, yep sure looks like the menu description to me"....ok so that one was way bitchy but this server is retarded and needs to stick with her day job at the tanning salon.
4. "...well why can't I have all I want...when I come in I can get all I want, what's the difference?"
     My response: "You're ordering to-go.  If you were to go to a buffet you can eat all you want but if you did a take out they would give you one box to fill and you can only take what you can fit"
5. "the server let me/didn't charge me/or other way to get freebies last time"
   My response:  "That server was fired for insert whatever will correlate to their obnoxious request so no I can't follow their lead."